WCH Domestic Violence Program

What is domestic abuse?

Any attempt to gain power or control over another person using physical, emotional abuse or sexual tactics. The abuse is directed at restricting independent thought and action so that the victim will become devoted to fulfilling the needs of the perpetrator. This could happen in many different types of relationships.

Abuse can be

• Someone trying to control you or what you do
• Someone putting you down or humiliating you
• Someone intimidating you with looks, gestures or threats
• Someone withholding financial information from you
• Someone using your children as leverage against you
• Someone checking up on your whereabouts, your time, your relationships, your mileage and phone calls
• Someone hitting, pushing, grabbing, or pinching you

If you are experiencing a repeated pattern of this type of behavior, you might be in a controlling relationship. You can get support today.

WCH has a Special Needs Program - a support group for women in mid-life or with special needs. For more information click on the logo below.

What is Domestic Abuse?

Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. Abusers do not see themselves as being abusive. People often think of domestic violence as physical in nature, however domestic violence takes other forms such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse.

• Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a pattern of behaviors to control the other person.
• Domestic violence can happen to people who are married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.
• Abusers and victims come from every race, religion, profession, class, and level of education.
• An abuser does not lose his temper or is out of control. They choose it, not lose it.
• 95% of victims are women.
• Violence can occur at any time in a relationship and usually escalates over time.
• Alcohol or drug abuse does not cause violence.
• People who are violent toward another person usually blame the other person for their actions.

If your partner repeatedly uses one or more of the following to control you . .

• Pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting
• Threatening you, your children, other family members or pets
• Threatening suicide to get you to do something
• Using or threatening to use a weapon against you
• Keeping or taking your paycheck
• Puts you down or makes you feel bad
• Forcing you to have sex or do sexual acts you do not want or like
• Keeping you from seeing your friends, family, or from going to work,

. . . YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED! REMEMBER - YOU ARE NOT ALONE
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT - HELP IS AVAILABLE

If you are not ready to leave your partner, watch for any of the following danger signals:

• You have a feeling or intuition - clear or vague - that your partner is going to hurt you.
• Your partner threatens to kill you, himself, the children, other people, or pets.
• Your partner's abuse and threats escalate or change for the worse. His behavior grows more violent, sexually brutal, humiliating, reckless, scary or bizarre.
• Your partner has weapons.
• Your partner follows you, checks up on you, accuses you and wants to control you.
• Your partner is abusing drugs or alcohol.
• Your partner has a history of arrests for criminal activity.
• Your partner is depressed or has a history of depression or other emotional illness.
• Your partner experiences a loss - for example job loss, death of a friend or relative, an illness.
• Your partner says that he doesn't remember what he did, or claims that what happened did not.
• There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victim wants to be abused.
• Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave.

SAFETY PLANNING

If you plan on leaving your partner, consider taking the following when you leave

• Drivers license or other form of identification
• Yours and other family members birth certificates
• Money, bank books, checkbooks, credit cards, ATM cards, and mortgage payment book.
• Social Security card, work permit, green card, passport, divorce or custody papers, insurance papers, medical records, lease, rental agreement, and/or house deed.
• Keys for the house, car, or office
• Medications, glasses, hearing aids, or other assistive devices needed for you, your children, or grandchildren.
• Personal items such as an address book, pictures, jewelry, and items of sentimental value for you, your children and/or grandchildren.

The Staff at Women and Children's Horizons offers you a listening ear and a non-judgmental concern. We are concerned for you and your children, and want you to remember that if you are ready to leave, escape is not impossible. Thousands of victims have been freed from the violence and threats.

Contact the Support Services Office at 262-656-3500, Monday thru Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. for further information or for an appointment. You can also call our crisis line 24 hours a day at 262-652-9900 or 1-800-853-3503.

WHO ARE THE VICTIMS?

Anyone can be a victim. Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment, or marital status. Both men and women can be abused, however most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.

Since abuse can happen to anyone, people can have special concerns. Women and Children's Horizons staff want you to know we understand your special concerns. We will listen to you and treat you with respect.

If you are a person of color. . .
You may be afraid of prejudice. You may be afraid of being blamed for going out of your community for help.

If you are a lesbian, gay, or transgender person . . .
You may be afraid of having people know about your sexual orientation.

If you are physically or mentally challenged or elderly . . .
You may depend on your abuser to care for you. You may not have other people to help

If you are a male victim of abuse. . .
You may be ashamed and afraid that no one will believe you.

If you are from another country. . .
You may be afraid of being deported.

If your religion makes it hard to get help . . .
You may feel like you have to stay and not break up the family.

If you are a teen . . .
You could be a victim of abuse, or at risk if you are dating someone who:
• Is very jealous and/or spies on you
• Will not let you break off the relationship
• Hurts you in any way, is violent, or brags about hurting other people.
• Puts you down or makes you feel bad.
• Forces you to have sex or makes you afraid to say no to sex
• Abuses drugs or alcohol; pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
• Has a history of bad relationships and blames it on another

It is hard for teens to leave their abuser if they go to the same school. They cannot hide. Gay and lesbian teens are very isolated. They can be afraid they may have to reveal their sexual orientation. If you think you are being abused, think about getting help. If your family or friends warn you about the person you are dating, don't immediately discard it. Tell friends, family members or anyone you can trust. Call Women and Children's Horizons. There is help for you. You do not need to suffer in silence.

If you are a child in a violent home -

• Most children in these homes know about the violence. Parents may think children do not know of the violence, but most of the time they do. Children often know what happened.
• Children can feel helpless, afraid, and upset.
• Children feel very isolated - there is an unspoken rule of don't talk
• Children may also feel the violence is their fault.
• Violence in the home is dangerous for children. Children live with scary noises, yelling, and hitting. They are afraid for their parents and themselves.
• Children feel bad they cannot stop the abuse.
• If they try to stop the fight, they could be hurt. They can also be hurt by objects thrown, or weapons used.
• Children are harmed by seeing and hearing the violence.
• Children in violent homes may not get the care or attention they need. A parent who is being abused may be in too much pain to give the care and attention.
• Children may have problems in sleeping, in school, and getting along with others.
• Children may be afraid and sad all the time.
These problems do not go away on their own. They can be there even as the child becomes older. There is help for children in violent homes. Talk to a school authority. Call any of the agencies listed below for help:

If you are being stalked -

Stalking is repeated harassment that makes you feel afraid or upset. A stalker can be either a stranger or someone you know. They often bother people by giving them unwanted attention. This could be phone calls, gifts, or following people by going where they work, live, or shop. It can also be threats to you or your family. People may think stalking is not dangerous because no one has been physically hurt. Stalking is serious. It is against the law, and many times turns to physical violence.
• Tell the police every time the stalker makes contact with you.
• Keep a book with you at all times and record the contacts
• Save any phone messages or answering machine messages from the stalker.
• Save any letters, notes, or gifts from the stalker
• Write down information about the stalker, like the way they look, kind of car they drive, and license plate number.

STALKING IS A CRIME
Contact Information:

Kenosha Police & Sheriff's Department Emergency ------------- 911
Kenosha Police Department Non Emergency ---------------------- 262-656-1234
Kenosha Sheriff's Department--------------------------------------------- 262-605-5100
Kenosha Human Development Services (Crisis Intervention) 262-657-7188
Women and Children's Horizons Support Service---------------- 262- 656-3500
24 Hour Crisis Line ----------------------------------1- 800-853-3503 or 262-652-9900

WOMEN AND CHILDREN'S HORIZONS INFORMATION SHEET
RESTRAINING ORDER (RO) ASSISTANCE

WHAT IS A RESTRAINING ORDER?
This is an order issued by the Circuit Court. It can stop someone from coming into your home or bothering you at work. This is different from the 72 hour no contact order.

Who is the Petitioner?
The petitioner is the person who is petitioning or asking the court for the restraining order

Who is the Respondent:
The respondent is the person who responds to the court as to what is stated in the petition

A person is eligible for a domestic abuse restraining order if:
1. They are an adult victim of domestic abuse such as:
• Intentional impairment of physical condition
• Intentional infliction of pain, injury or illness
• Sexual contact or sexual intercourse without consent
• Violation of property belonging to an individual
• Threat of any of the above.
• Some examples may include: a current or former spouse, family member, partner, other parent of your child, current or former roommate, or current or former person you have dated.

2. The person that is abusing the adult victim is:
• An adult family member
• An adult whom the petitioner now resides (household member)
• An adult with whom the petitioner has resided with in the past
• Victim and abuser have a child in common
• Dating relationship
• Adult caregiver/guardian of an incompetent individual

3. One or both live in Kenosha County

OTHER INFORMATION
This service is FREE AND CONFIDENTIAL
Temporary restraining order for 7 days, Injunction order up to four years
Automatic firearms surrender law by the respondent.

HARRASSMENT RESTRAINING ORDER
A person may be eligible for a harassment order if any person, adult or child, is a victim of striking, shoving, kicking or subjecting another to physical contact or attempting or threatening to do the same.
Engaging in a course of conduct or repeatedly committing acts which harass or intimidate another person and which serve no legitimate purpose.

WHERE CAN I GET A RESTRAINING ORDER?

If you have any questions on how to fill out or file an order of protection, or just need someone to talk with, we can help. Call our client services line at 262-656-3500 or our 24 hour crisis line at 262-652-9900 or 1-800-853-3503.

Office assistance is available in room LL36 (lower level) of the Kenosha County Courthouse.
Mondays - 8:30 am - 12:30pm
Tuesdays - 8:30 am - 12:30 pm and 2:00 pm - 5:00 pm
Wednesdays - 1:00 pm - 3:00 pm
Thursdays - 9:00 am - 1:00 pm and 2:00 pm - 5:00 pm
Fridays - 12:00 pm - 3:00 pm
Staff from Women and Children's Horizons is available during the above hours to help you understand the process of filling out and filing a Restraining Order. If you call 262-653-2767 during the above hours, please leave a message, and someone will return the call. If this is an emergency, please dial 911 for police assistance or call the 1-800-853-3503 crisis hotline.

HOW SOON CAN I GET INTO COURT?
Keep in mind the court house hours are 8:00 am to 4:30 pm. Monday thru Friday. Judges have a full schedule, and at times are unable to be contacted. If you are in need of a restraining order, and the paperwork is filled out early in the day, this could be heard and granted the same day. If the paperwork is filled out the middle or end of the day, the petition may not be granted until the next working day.

WHAT SHOULD I BRING WHAT SHOULD I SAY?
• Make sure to tell the court everything, including dates and details as best you can.
• Police reports, medical records, photographs
• Any information about the abuser's current address, date of birth or age, hair color, eye color, height, weight, address, Social Security number, and/or driver's license number.
• Any court papers you have in your possession. For example, custody and/or parenting orders, lease agreement, divorce papers, or information on criminal record.
• If there is any information you would like kept private, such as your address, speak with the Clerk of Court or the Women and Children's Horizons representative.
• The abuser must be served with copies of everything you file with the Clerk's Office.
• You do not have to let the abuser in your home because of a court order for visitation. You are able to make arrangements for alternative arrangements through Women and Children's Safe Exchange Program: 262-652-1846. You can also meet at a police station or other private place.
• If you want the Order removed, only the court can change or remove a Restraining Order. The abuser can be arrested for violating the Restraining Order until it expires or until the court removes the order. Do not agree to anything the order restricts, or invite the abuser to violate the order until the order expires or the court changes the order.

CARRY A COPY OF YOUR RESTRAINING ORDER WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES!!
This will help law enforcement enforce the Restraining Order if there is a violation
WOMEN AND CH ILDREN'S HORIZONS
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HANDBOOK

QUESTIONS ABOUT LEAVING

Many victims of domestic violence have questions when making the decision to leave.
Some questions may include the following. If you have other questions, please call our victim services number at 262-656-3500, our 24 hour emergency number and shelter number at 262-652-9900 or 1-800-853-3503.

Can I take my children with me when I leave?
• Yes, if you can do it safely, definitely take your children with you. Later it may be more difficult.
• If you do not have your children with you, it may be difficult filing for temporary custody of them. The parent who has physical possession of the children may have an advantage getting temporary custody.
• Get legal custody of your children within a few days.
• Your partner may threaten or try to take or harm the children if you do not return.
• Notify authorities: school, daycare, neighbor, or others of potential problems.
• If you are in immediate danger and cannot take your children, contact the police immediately to arrange for temporary protective custody. (This does not mean you will lose custody. Permanent custody will be decided later by a judge.)

WHERE DO I GO?

• Stay with a friend or relative
• If you are a woman, do not stay with a man unless he is a relative. Living with a man you are not married to could hurt your chances of getting custody of your children and spousal support. It could also cause more conflict with the abuser.
• Contact the emergency women's shelter for you and your children. The staff can help arrange transportation to the shelter as well as help you get legal and financial help, provide advocacy and emotional support for you and your children.
• Call 911 If you are in danger when the police come, they can protect you.
• Police can help you leave your home safely
• Seek medical help if you have been injured. Go to the hospital. There are special advocates on call 24 hours a day who will come and stay with you and give you support. If the medical staff does not call one for you, ask them to contact Women and Children's Horizons.
• Sometimes you may not even know you are hurt.
• What seems like a small injury could be a big one.
• If you are pregnant and you were hit in your stomach, tell the doctor.
• Victims can be in danger of closed head injuries. If you have been hit in the head and experience any of the following, seek medical attention immediately.
- Memory loss
- Dizziness
- Problems with Eyesight
- Throwing up
- A headache that won't go away

YOUR LIFE AND SAFETY ARE MOST IMPORTANT. TRYING TO BRING YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOU IS IMPORTANT. EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY.

WOMEN AND CHILDREN'S HORIZONS PERSONALIZED SAFETY PLAN

Safety for you and your children must be your first consideration. Listed below are tips to help keep you safe. Listen to your own fears and acting on the warning signals you pick up may save your life.

Anything from your finances to religion might cause you to decide to stay with or to return to your partner. If your decision is based partly on fear for yourself or your children, you should make some safety plans. If your partner threatens to hurt you, or if you are afraid he might, you may be afraid to leave. There are many steps you can take to protect yourself. Some of the steps we list here may or may not apply. Try to use the ones that seem appropriate and useful in your circumstance.

Women and Children's Horizons would be able to provide you with a cell phone that is programmed to only call 911. These phones are for when you need to call the police and cannot get to any other phone.

IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, THINK ABOUT

• Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, domestic violence hotlines, shelter, and friends.
• Friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises. If you have children, teach them how to dial 911. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help.
• Practice emergency drills with your children. Teach them to leave your home through different exits. Before an emergency happens, identify safe places and people they can run to, including a police or fire station, a hospital, a shelter, or a friend.
• Work out a signal with your neighbors so they know when to call the police.
• If you have a protection or restraining order, carry it with you, make extra copies of it (in case your partner destroys yours) and leave one with the local police, and one with a supportive person. CALL THE POLICE IF YOU ARE IN DANGER
• Determine safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen, try to get your abuser to one of these safer places - the bathroom and kitchen are both undesirable due to space and access to weapons, ie.knives.
• If there are weapons in the house, think about ways you could get them out of the house.
• Try doing things to get you out of the house. Taking out the trash, walking the pet, going to the store. Put together a bag of things you use every day and hide it where it is easy for you to get.

IF YOU CONSIDER LEAVING YOUR ABUSER, THINK ABOUT

• Four places you could go if you leave your home.
• People who might help you if you left.
• People who might keep a bag and valuable papers and photographs for you.
• Keep change for phone calls or get a cell phone with minutes.
• Open a bank account and get a credit card in your name.
• Seek medical care if you have been injured
• Call a shelter hotline – in Kenosha 262-652-9900 or 1-800-853-3503
    and find out what is available to you. In an emergency dial 911
• Have a plan for transportation

IF YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR ABUSER, THINK ABOUT

• Your safety and the safety of your children – you still need to.
• Get a cell phone. Women and Children’s Horizons would be able to provide you with a cell phone programmed to call 911 only.
• Obtain a Restraining Order from the Court. Keep a copy with you at all times. Staff at Women and Children’s Horizons can help you with the Restraining Order process.
• Change the locks. (if there is a local victim-witness or advocacy program in town, they may provide this service free of charge.
• If you more to a new location and want to keep it a secret, tell the children’s school, the court, your workplace, etc. not to give out your address or phone number, and tell them why.
• Think of someone you can call if you feel down – call client support services Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm at 262-656-3500, or call the 24 hour crisis line at 262-652-9900 or 1-800-853-3503.
• Find a safe way to speak with your abuser if necessary.
• If you have children, contact a Safe Exchange Representative.

Important Telephone Numbers
Women and Children’s Horizons Client Services ..262-656-3500
24 Hour Crisis Line …..262-652-9900 or 1-800-853-3503
Kenosha Human Development Services
24 Hour Adult and Juvenile Crisis……..262-657-7188
Kenosha County Div. of Children and Family Services
262-605-6500